Don’t Pressure me!

I’ve long thought of myself as a feminist, but with the recent developments in “feminism,” I’m not the most comfortable with that label anymore. I believe in equality for everyone. I believe that is what feminism is about. I also believe that the trend in the mainstream movement is straying from that core value. That’s another story for another day however. Today I wanted to talk about my name.

It’s my name. I’ll do what I want.

I’ve decided to change my name. As in swap out my maiden name for my married name. That doesn’t sound particularly feminist of me. I’m ok with that. My brand of feminism leaves space for people to decide for themselves just how they want to live their lives. It’s ok for you to keep your name. It’s fine for me to change mine. My husband feels the same way. He doesn’t want to go to the trouble of changing his name. He doesn’t think I should have to go to the trouble of changing mine. But I want to.

The reason that I want to change my name is fairly simple. I want my husband to feel confident that I’m really committed to him, this marriage, and our relationship. I want him to know that I’m not going anywhere. Ever. We are a team. That was our statement to the world when we got married. This is my statement to him now that we are married.

It’s also for myself. I want to be reminded that even though I’m not a new person, I am a part of a new team. I’m not just responsible for myself. My actions have repercussions on this whole other person that I’m now related to. It would be nice if it had the same effect on him!

So, I’ve made my decision. Great! Now’s the time where I fall apart. I’ve been searching for my important documents. I’ve been tearing the house apart. I’ve made quite the mess. I haven’t found my vital records! Instead of having a panic attack, I took my car to the car wash and called my mom on my way into work. Today, instead of looking some more, I’ve been on here.

I’m on a higher dose of the ADD meds. I’m feeling extra OCD and my anxiety is kicking into overdrive. Unfortunately, I still feel scatter-brained.  My brother has ADD too, and he has been on medicine longer. He says that the medicine really helps, but it’s not perfect. I really wish that it were a little closer to perfection! This makes looking for things really difficult. The upside is, I want my husband to know he’s worth the trouble. So the more trouble I go to, the stronger the message!

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